1. first and foremost, listen.

It takes a lot of courage and strength to offer an outcry for help, so it’s important that outcry is met with a listening ear and an open heart. Show support in whatever ways you can, and check in on your friend as often as possible.

2. Believe her.

Often, abusers can be charming and charismatic, and it can be hard to believe that someone seemingly good can do such bad things. It is not your role to be an investigator and search for “evidence” of the abuse. It is your role to listen and believe. 

3. Don’t blame her.

Our culture has a common phrase we learn as children: It takes two to tango. In relationships marred by violence, it only takes one. There is nothing that justifies abuse, so don’t ask the victim what her role was in the incident. She already feels shame, and questioning her contribution only makes it worse. 

4. Offer unconditional support.

- even when she chooses to stay in the relationship. Our gut instinct is to think, “If I were here, I’d just leave!” Victims know their abusers best, and know how to navigate their relationship best. It takes most victims between six and nine attempts to leave before that separation is permanent. Remind her that her leaving is not a condition of your support.

5. Keep it confidential.

She has confided in you because she trusts you. Speaking out and revealing information may hurt the victim. However, if you believe children are being abused, you are legally responsible to report the abuse.

6. Call us with questions.

SafeHaven operates Tarrant County’s only domestic violence hotline and has trained, bilingual advocates who answer the phones 24/7. Remember, your role as a confidant is crucial, but it's important to involve professionals who are trained to handle domestic violence cases. Encourage your friend to connect with local resources that can offer specialized support and guidance tailored to their specific needs.