“I think a friend, family member, neighbor, or
co-worker is in an
abusive relationship.

What can I do?
What should I do?”

When a victim of domestic violence opens up about her relationship, it’s our first instinct to want to help. But sometimes our need to react can be hurtful. Here are some guidelines to follow if you find yourself in a position where you want to best support a victim of intimate partner violence. 

1.  First and foremost, listen.
   It takes a lot of courage and strength to offer an outcry, so it’s important that outcry is met with a listening ear and an open heart.  

2. Believe the victim.
   Often abusers can be charming and charismatic, and it can be hard to believe that someone seemingly good can do such bad things. It is not your role to be an investigator and search for “evidence” of the abuse. It is your role to listen and believe.  

3. Don’t blame the victim.
   Our culture has a common phrase we learn as children: It takes two to tango. In relationships marred by violence, it only takes one. There is nothing that justifies abuse, so don’t ask the victim what her role was in the incident. She already feels shame, and questioning her contribution only makes it worse.  

4. Offer unconditional support
   - even when the victims chooses to stay in the abusive relationship. Often, our gut instinct is to think, “If I were here, I’d just leave!” Victims know their abusers best, and, likewise, know how to navigate their relationship best. It takes most victims between six and nine attempts to leave their abuser before that separation is permanent. Don’t judge. Remind her that her leaving the relationship is not a condition of your support. 

5. Keep it confidential.
   The victim has confided in you because they trust you. Speaking out and revealing information may hurt the victim.  

6. Call us with questions.
   SafeHaven operates Tarrant County’s only domestic violence hotline and has trained, bilingual advocates who answer the phones 24/7. Remember, your role as a confidant is crucial, but it's important to involve professionals who are trained to handle domestic violence cases. Encourage your friend to connect with local resources that can offer specialized support and guidance tailored to their specific needs.

   24/7 Hotline: 1-877-701-7233