The prevailing notion for many years within the work of intimate partner violence was this: when an offender threatens suicide, the purpose is a manipulative tactic with the end goal of keeping the victim in the relationship. We know from our research that murder-suicide is a prevalent form of abuse, and over the past several years, we have seen murder-suicide on the rise in Tarrant County within abusive relationships. In 2021, of the seven homicides identified through the 2021 fatality review, five were in this category. This year continued the trend with 67% of IP homicides being completed or attempted murder-suicides.

Advocates and others working with victims and offenders can no longer assign suicidal threats into the sole grouping of ‘controlling tactics’ – in Tarrant County, this is no longer the case. These threats have very real consequences in our community, to the tune of at least nine lives in the past three years. In 2022, the F.B.I. reported 65% all US murder-suicides involve intimate partners, and 81% occur in the home (Salvatore, 2022).

As far back as 1782, there was a recorded domestic violence-related murder-suicide in Connecticut, when William Beadle murdered his wife Lydia and their four children and then died by suicide. Her headstone read, “Fell by the hands of William Beadle, an infatuated man who closed the horrid sacrifice of his wife and children with his own destruction.”

Thomas Joiner, in his book The Perversion of Virtue, describes the act of murder-suicide as often a perversion of justice and mercy, where offenders are playing a sort of mental recording that states, “Soon I’ll be dead. But is it fair that I suffer that end while those who have deeply wronged me go unpunished and happily live on? Certainly not. But that is what will happen unless I deliver justice myself” (Joiner, 2014).

The sentiment continues today, over 200 years later. Of course, those outside an abusive relationship easily see the impossibility of a victim ‘wronging’ an offender, but offenders regularly view themselves in a victim role, regularly being ‘wronged’ by their partner. It is gaslighting to the one-hundredth power.

Systems involved in the Fatality Review Team have taken on this issue and are developing new perspectives to address the issue of murder-suicide, starting with approaching offenders who have suicidal ideation in addition to approaching victims who have a high danger risk. There is more work to be done, and the team collaborators are dedicated to finding untapped interventions in an effort to save lives – both victims and offenders

The local suicide awareness experts can be found at The Jordan Elizabeth Harris Foundation. If you are experiencing suicidal ideation, dial 988.